I always struggle with my feelings when it comes to missing a loved one that has passed on, and then at the same time knowing that they are a lot better off where they are now, even better than we all are.

It's sad how we are left with memories of those people who once were such a big, sometimes even small, part of our lives. I'm sure we all miss them, but I also strongly believe that they're in a better place, surrounded with everything and everyone that makes our journey here on Earth a worthwhile one. They found out the truth, the end, or maybe even the next step in a series of stops that consist the purpose of a still unknown to us plan.

I truly feel sorry for those people who believe that we're only a bunch of muscles and bones and that when we're dead the ground that covers us just consumes us and there's nothing left. I can understand how some people don't believe in God, I respect that- there are many unanswered questions, but how can you not see that there's so much more to your own self than a body that functions following a random number of chain reactions. It would be such a waste of intelligence, and by that I don't mean common smarts, but a waste of an intellectual existence. It just does not register!

Wishful thinking? Maybe... I kinda like it though. :-)

Remedies and Matzounia

A lot of people comment on what a good attitude I have (at least some of the times), which really makes me wonder. The times that my attitude is not "up there", am I really harming my chances, or do I deserve to be in so much pain? I decided that no.

Many people who are unaware of what a heavy burden it is to carry the sign that states you are a cancer patient, think that keeping your spirits up, even when you're in the most horrible of pains, will somehow miraculously take away everything bad and turn it into positive. I'm also sick and tired of hearing how having faith makes everything better. Well, it doesn't. The pain is still there, the worry over what's going to happen to my family is there, the fear about the uncertain is there.

You learn lots of lessons through out this all right, one of them being that you're in this alone. No one can really help you out. And believe me everyone will have their own little theory of what the right thing to do is. One will say you should eat healthier, I agree, but how come there are so many people that live on crap and never have to go through this? Others will say, you should try taking this or that health supplement. I do! I take a bunch! Guess what, cancer still there, immune system, not doing so hot lately. Let me think... what else, oh of course, green tea, asparagus, flax seed oil, you name it someone has said that it helps keep you healthy.

Well, I made up my mind today that ice cream beats cancer's bum and it also cures hives and shingles. I ate ice cream two days in a row and I'm feeling a lot better today, plus my rash from shingles, an incredible thing, it's getting so much better!!

I'm a believer, so you should be too. Let's hear what other known, or unknown remedies are out there.:-)