I went to a dietitian this morning. I would flatly say that it was a total waste of time and energy, since she didn't say anything I didn’t already know, but at least she reminded me how important good nutrition is, and showed me a really cool cookbook that has recipes for people receiving chemo.

She was a very nice lady, so I feel bad that I was bored stiff during her "consultation". At some point she went on and on reading from a presentation she had prepared on how to prevent cancer, and I was this close to saying to her with a perfect British accent: "I already got one!" This is for all the Monty Python fans out there! ;-)

By the time I got back home my bones were aching so bad, I could scream. I was able to put Natalie in her room for a nap, took another Vicodin and rested too. In fact, I'm still in my bed resting. My energy level is below zero today. :-(

I feel bad that I can't get up and cook for everybody, but I just can't. We had to order out. Getting used to the idea that I can’t provide for my family the same way I used to is very tough for me, but there’s not a lot I can do about it right now.

I know that I have to find the energy to somehow keep things normal around here. I really don’t know how to do it, without feeling even more tired and weak. Any ideas?
Brian and I were both so depressed about this a couple of days ago. He is tired too, picking up the slack and doing the job for two. I know it’s so hard for him to see me this way, and do all the work he has been doing, and try to keep afloat with his responsibilities at work. It gets too much sometimes. I don’t know how we’re going to make it.

Tomorrow morning I’m going in for my second chemo treatment. I’ll see the oncologist and have a blood test too. I’m hoping my blood count will be better than last time, and that I’m going to be in better shape afterwards.

One thing that still worries me is our trip to Hawaii that we had planned months ago. It is scheduled for May 5th, but we still don’t know if I’ll be able to make it. I guess the doctor will tell us tomorrow. We have been looking forward to it for so long! We really needed the time together and the opportunity to relax and rest. I hate how it has become just another “problem” on our list.

Well, I guess that’s it for now. I’ll have more to say after treatment tomorrow.