The kids are back home and the house is full of fun, laughter, noise, whining, and arguing again. It's like they were never gone! Brian and I are glad to have everybody back. We can't get enough of them.
Natalie loved her new room. It looks awesome! Darian has grown even taller than the last time I saw him, David is back to teasing the two little ones, and it's nice to have Sally here with us again.
Today has been quiet. Sally of course is full of energy and as I'm typing these lines she's outside with the kids pulling weeds. I wish I could join them, just to have something to do other than feeling lousy in my room, but I'm not supposed to be touching dirt, or be in the sun.
My breast surgeon called not too long ago. She wanted to let me know that she had a chance to look at the MRI and both the oncologist and her agree that the right breast needs to be removed. She also added that I'll have to stop taking the blood thinner 5 days before surgery and have an injection of some other kind of medicine instead. I'll have to stop the day of the surgery and then start again shortly after.
The one issue still pending is whether I'll have a bilateral now or later. I've spent endless hours thinking about it and have not been able to come to a decision. How does one decide or come to terms with something like this? I keep playing the different scenarios in my head and all them stink because the outcome remains the same.
I know that what makes sense is to have a bilateral now. It minimizes the risk of having to deal with this again, at least on that spot. My priority should be to beat the cancer out of me, not how I will look, or feel about my self afterwards. It's a tough decision either way. Deep down I know what the right thing to do is, I just need to swallow it.
The doctor told me that she'll be waiting for a call from me when I make up my mind. I think I'll call her before I start doubting again. Of course I feel scared and insecure. It's only a couple of weeks away before my body changes forever. I feel the need to talk about it just so that I can hear my own voice admitting that I know what the right thing to do is, over and over again.
Well, that's that. I have to go to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription before they close.
I'll whine again some other time.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
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