New Hope

Sometimes all you need to feel encouraged again, is a simple glance that shows you that the person you have chosen to trust with your own life is still in the game and hasn't thrown in the towel.

It's been a couple of months now that I've been getting this feeling of defeat from my oncologist in Cincinnati. I could read the frustration in his face every time he'd ask me to show him my chestk and the realization that chemo didn't really do anything was apparent to both of us. The nodules kept growing, new ones started popping up, despite all the treatment and all the different medications he had tried on me. I felt the same frustration too, but I guess I expected him to be the one to come up with new things to try. Instead he looked as tired as I felt. My cancer was spreading on my skin, but there was nothing we could do! We were running out of options!

I felt numb, depressed, desperate even, but at the same time my determination to fight this thing became higher than ever! I have a wonderful husband whom I love with all my heart, and 3 adorable kids that still need me. I want to be with them for a very long time. I want to enjoy loving my husband and seeing my kids flourish into adulthood. I'm going to chase this darn disease out of my body! I will fight and I will win! Now, if only my doctors felt the same...

I drove six and a half hours to Zion, Illinois last night to see Dr. Dennis Citrin who is a breast oncologist at the Cancer Treatment Center of America. Last time I saw him was in May. My cancer was stable and my skin didn't look as bad as it does now. I kept a little hope in my heart that maybe he would have an idea of something else that could be done.

I have to say that just listening to his Irish accent cheered me up! :-) When the words "highly treatable"came out of his mouth I felt my heart skip a beat and my ears started ringing. He actually told me that my cancer was treatable and it was just a matter of finding the right medicine! Sure the other ones failed to stop it, but he wants to keep trying, find a different one, and combine it with radiation. Not only that, he wants me to participate in a clinical trial for PARP inhibitors, which are the new hope for triple negative breast cancer.

I know I'm not saved, by any means. I still have a bunch of tests that I need to have, more results and of course decisions to ponder upon, more treatments that will make me physically ill and weak, but it sure helps to know that there are things to do, and that hope is still there! Most of all, it feels good to know that my doctor has seen cases like mine before and he wants to keep trying. It's not over yet!

I will have more news tomorrow, when the test results are back. I'm praying that the PET scan, which I will have in a few hours, will show once again that the cancer is contained and it hasn't affected any vital organs. Either way, I feel that I'm at the right place at the right time. I can trust my doctors again, and feel that I'm being taken care of. What more could a cancer patient want! Hmmm.....the cure to cancer, maybe? ;-)