Radiation #1

I had my first real radiation treatment today. I felt so strange walking into the changing room, taking off my clothes and wig, and slipping into the hospital gown. I felt like I was shedding my skin off and getting into a new one. Before and after. The one that helps me pretend to be OK and then the real deal underneath it all, the sick one.

I walked into the radiation lab. Every time there's a new person there to greet me. I don't remember their names, I don't really pay attention. The nurse told me I had to lie down on the same hard metal surface like before and rest my head on the pillow/mold they made for me a few weeks back. Once again I had to raise my arms over my head and reach for the bar that was right behind the pillow. They measured the marks on my chest one more time, made sure everything is in order, and then asked me to turn my head to the left and sit very still.

I was tensed, and every time I relaxed a little bit I thought I was going to move, maybe mess up their marks. I was sure that this would make them be cranky at me. I tried not to move at all, but I felt my back starting to tingle.

After a few last minute adjustments, they were ready to "zap" me. Everybody left the room silently. They were afraid to be exposed to the same radiation that will be infusing my body for the next 7 weeks. I was left there alone, exposed and worried.

The machine started whirling and beeping. It started moving from the very far right side of my body, stopping every minute or so to send the radiation beams down to my chest. Moving slowly, it moved unto a new position every few minutes, sending radiation from a new angle every time. It took about 30 minutes to complete the entire 180 degrees and finish the treatment on the very left side of my torso. The machine stopped making noise and it stopped moving. The nurses came back into the room and announced to me that my first treatment was over. Only 34 to go!

I tried to bring my arms down slowly, but they were completely numb and my shoulders were really sore. I tried to get up, but my back would not cooperate. The pain was killing me! The nurse grabbed unto my arm and helped me get up. She told me that I could stay there for as long as I needed.

I got to my feet slowly and sat to a chair to put my shoes on. I was stiff and sore all over. I managed to go back to the changing room, and put my "disguise" back on. I walked out to the car limping.

Natalie whined to me "What took you so long?" "You don't want to know" I replied to her.
Brian looked at me worried. "Did it hurt?" he asked me.

"No" I said, thinking that tomorrow I'll have to do it all over again...