I have a splitting headache. I know...What am I doing typing on the computer if my head hurts that bad? If Brian knew that I was doing this and not taking a nap he would be very upset with me. In the last 36 hours I've had about 3 hours of sleep total, and I still don't feel that I can close my eyes, relax and drift away to La La Land.

My throat still hurts, and I still don't know what it means. I'm cold and tired. I just got back from the doctor and got another prescription to add to the ones I already have. I'll try to take an Ativan and get some sleep finally.

I've been feeling a little down today. I called my mom at 1:30 in the morning, it was 8:30 pm in Greece, to ask her questions about how people had died on her side of the family and if it was disease related, from what. No breast cancer on her side, from what I can tell. My dad though had a sister that died from breast cancer years ago. I never met her.
My mom of course kept on adding her comments, frustrations and little stories she felt were worth mentioning about every single person of the family tree, so that phone call took a while, as you can imagine.

We ended on a weird note. Her asking me if I wanted her to come to see me. I really didn't know what to say. I know she's older and frail now, but I also understand that she's worried about me. I don't want her to come here and get sick like last time, but I don't want her to get the wrong idea, that I don't want her to come. Complicated. As it always is with my mom. She's very sensitive and gets her feelings hurt about things that wouldn't even cross somebody else's mind.
I told her that maybe it would be a better idea if Mikie could come with her, or maybe just Mikie and Antonis since he already said he wanted to come see me in August. So I guess we'll see how that goes.

This afternoon when the mail came I had an awesome packet from Mikie. She sent me the first 20 volumes of Froutopia in comic books, a really popular show in Greece when I was in High School, 3 DVD's and a bunch of other goodies. She really made my day. She's always such a thoughtful gift giver. She really puts her mind and soul to it when she gives. Thanks Sis!

I called her right a way and we talked for a while. She too said that she would like to come and visit. I'm very touched by this. I actually got very emotional after we got off the phone. It would really mean a lot to me and my family if they could actually make it but I feel a little nervous at the same time. I'm worried that I'll be too sick and I don't know if I'd want them to see me like this. I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed I guess, and pray for the best. I think it will be hard for them to see me sick, weak, with no hair, especially right after the surgery, since I'm seriously considering the double mastectomy.

I think I'll have to accept the fact my that my family loves me no matter what, and they'll want to be here for me when I need their support the most. Sadly, I'm just not used to it. Being away for so long, I always had to fight my battles here, sometimes even there, alone. We've drifted apart, I know. I still miss them though and there have been endless times when I think about them and how I wish we could be closer, and I don't only mean geographically.

Anyway, it would be wonderful to see them all. Brian and the kids would love it and I would be so happy to have them here all together! Our house has plenty of room for everybody.
It'd be great!