The Wig

Have you seen “The Bucket List”? I watched it a few months ago, before I was even diagnosed, and I really enjoyed it (little did I know!) Other than the fact that Nicholson plays his “crazy and obnoxious” Nicholson version and Morgan Freeman plays his “Driving Miss Daisy” character yet again, the movie was not half bad.

Well, for those who don’t know the plot, it’s about 2 terminally ill men, one is filthy rich (Nicholson), the other not so much (Freeman). The 2 meet each other in the cancer ward of a hospital that Nicholson basically owns. Freeman starts making a list of things that he’d like to do before he dies. When rich Nicholson gets a hold of it he makes everything happen, but not before he adds a few crazy ones of his own. Both men learn a lot from each other but unfortunately this is not one of those stories where you can say at the end that they lived happily ever after, because of course they both die of cancer eventually.

I too found my self thinking along those lines not too long ago, and the first thing on my list was to teach each of my kids a song on the guitar.
Today I’m happy to announce that David has learned how to play his very first song on my guitar, “Flightless Bird, American Mouth” by Iron and Wine, compliments to his amazingly talented mom who taught him all the chords and how to strum! He still needs to practice a little more but he did great for a first time! I’m so proud of him. Way to go David! :-)

On a different note, I went to the clinic to check my INR today and it’s within the normal range again, meaning I need to continue taking Coumadin and alternate the dose from 5mg to 2,5mg every other day as I have been doing. They didn’t take blood for any further tests, so I guess I’ll have to wait until next Friday to find out what my white blood count is. Last week it was 0.7! Holy cow! The normal range is 4.6-10.2 so I can’t help wondering if that is even humanly possible in a live state! Apparently yes for me.

The doctors mentioned last time that they’ll give me a shot of Neuplasta a day after chemo, in order to boost my WBC and my immune system. I hear it hurts the bones like heck when it enters the bone marrow, but it is very effective. I try to eat healthy and I started doing my stretching exercises again. Let’s not forget that I have a bad back on top of everything else, so I need to take it easy. I’m hoping that my counts will be up next week. Brian keeps stuffing things in my mouth and gets frustrated when I just can’t eat. Maybe one good thing would be that I’ll loose some weight.

Anyway after all the poking and pricking at the clinic, we went to a place called “Allusions” which claims to be “the natural solution to hair loss”. I was a little apprehended when I first walked in. The place looked nice, but I didn’t know what to expect. I felt a knot in my throat. Thankfully the lady that we talked to was very friendly and sweet. She noticed that I felt uncomfortable even just being there.

My guess is I wasn’t the first one to walk through that door carrying this load on their shoulders. She asked me if I was loosing my hair due to medical reasons. I could barely find the words to talk I was so dazed, but Brian saved me as he often does, by telling her I was diagnosed with breast cancer not too long ago and it’s been 2 weeks since my first treatment. I finally found my voice and told her that yesterday was the first day that I noticed a considerable amount of hair coming off. She looked at me and said smiling “Don’t worry, we’ll help you through this.” Immediately something in my gut told me that she really meant it and I relaxed a bit. OK, they don't bite.

She took us in a private back room to look at the wigs they had displayed on a shelf. I sat in a swiveling chair in front of a mirror feeling rather depressed at first. I had to wear a silly cap, kinda like a pantyhose that goes only on the top of the head, in order to keep the real hair down and out of the way.

I don’t know if I was ready yet to admit that I had lost that fight. Not that there was anything I could do about it of course, but it’s really hard to see your hair go! I would have never imagined! The thought of it only makes me feel sicker than I already am, if that’s even possible!

The lady started taking measurements of my head and making conversation. I just wanted to cry, but always true to myself, I held it together. Apparently the bone on the back of my head is not protruding enough, which to me didn’t seem to be such a big predicament, but I found out that it might be a little tricky to keep the wig from slipping towards the front because of it. She said that they can fix it but they’ll have to use double of something or another to keep it in place. By that point I didn’t really mind, “It’s not going to be my hair anyway, so who cares?” I thought grudgingly.

The first 2 wigs that I tried were about the same color as my own hair, only a lot longer. The hair itself was very good quality, they looked and felt very natural, but when I tried it on I felt ridiculous. I looked like one of the guys on SNL when they dress up like girls. It looked so not like me. Scary! Then I asked her if I could try a shorter hairstyle. She showed me 2 more that looked really nice and I loved the color! One was shoulder length and the other one was even shorter, barely below the ears.

I tried both on and we all agreed that those 2 were the ones that looked best on me, especially the short haired one. Who would have thought! I actually looked good in short hair! At that point I had started getting excited and having fun with the whole thing. It was like playing dress up again, and what girl doesn’t like that!

I was still busy talking to the lady, asking her opinion and trying on hats and scarves when I noticed for the first time that Brian had gotten pretty quiet. I turned my chair to look at him and I realized he had tears in his eyes. “Are you OK, honey?” I asked him. The lady quickly excused herself and got out of the room.

“Yes!” he said, “It’s just that I’ve seen how sad and worried you’ve been the past few days about losing your hair. I just saw your face relax for the first time in days when you tried that first wig! When you tried on the second one it was even better! Your face looked so bright and happy! I finally saw the pain melt away from you and for the first time you had a look that said “OK, I can do this”. I’m so happy for you!”

That’s my Brian! He’s always so sensitive and thoughtful. He even wanted me to buy both wigs! Isn’t he sweet? We’re talking close to $1200 for both! Good thing I have a prescription from the doctor for a "cranial prosthesis" and our health insurance will hopefully cover part of it. I told him I only needed one. If I feel like playing dress up again I can buy one of the cheaper ones. You can find some of the low quality ones for $30. If any of you girls (or boys) want a cool wig for Halloween in 2010 I know where you can find a really good one. Sorry it's already reserved for Halloween 2009. ;-)

The girl came back to the room a few minutes later and asked me if anyone has given me a “pink ribbon bag” yet. I had no idea what that was, so she left the room again and came back with this pretty tote that was FULL with goodies in her hands. It was so full it was almost impossible to carry around! I had to hand it to Brian because it was so heavy!

When I came home and opened it I found a hat, a water bottle, 3 books about cancer and how to self-heal (maybe they know something we don’t), a journal/sketch book with a pen, a chapstick and a hand lotion, some mints, a pink satin pillowcase (cotton pillowcases irritate the scalp when you don’t have hair), a pink aromatherapy heating and cooling pad, coloring pencils and post it notes, even a walkman with a tape that helps you meditate during chemo! I’m thinking I’ll probably be spending my next treatment visualizing that I’m zapping that tumor with a big laser gun or something. Not bad.

I’m home with Natalie now. Brian, William and the boys went downtown to see the baseball game, so it’s just us girls getting ready for our slumber party. I’m thinking no hair dressing game this time, which is unfortunately Natalie’s favorite part of the slumber parties we have. She takes out her hair dryer and brushes my hair, puts ribbons and pins on them… It wouldn’t be so amusing if she was left with bunches of my hair in her hands, poor thing!

There’s still light outside so we will have to wait a couple more hours. I decided to turn on my computer and check my calendar. Lo and behold, I have more appointments coming up. One with a dietician next week, then my second round of chemo on Friday and my Look Good… Feel Better seminar that Brian signed me up for last week. Apparently they give you a big box with all kinds of goodies there too!

http://www.lookgoodfeelbetter.org/index.htm

This is a list of companies donating their products for the make-up kit they give you. A big thank you to all of them!

Avon Products, Inc.*
BeautiControl
Beiersdorf North America, Inc.
Bonne Bell, Inc.
Chanel Inc.
Clarins Groupe USA,
Cosmolab Inc.
Coty U.S., Inc.
Del Laboratories, Inc.
Elizabeth Arden
The Estee Lauder Companies Inc.
Aveda Corporation
Bobbi Brown Professional Cosmetics
Clinique Laboratories, Inc.
Estee Lauder Inc.
M.A.C. Cosmetics
Origins Natural Resources, Inc.
Prescriptives Inc.
Stila Cosmetics
Johnson & Johnson Consumer Products Worldwide.
Neutrogena Corporation
KAO Brands Company
Lindi Skin
L’Oreal USA, Inc.
Dermablend, Inc.
Lancome
L’Oreal
Maybelline, Inc.
Mary Kay, Inc.
Merle Norman Cosmetics
OPI Products, Inc.
Playtex Products, Inc.
Pochet of America
Procter & Gamble Cosmetics
Redex Industries, Inc
Revlon, Inc.
Almay
Schering-Plough Healthcare Products
Unilever Home & Personal Care NA
Chesebrough-Pond’s USA
YSL Beauté, Inc.
Alberto-Culver Company
Shiseido Cosmetics (America) Ltd.

Don't be jealous girls, I'd much rather buy the stuff at the mall, than have them given to me because I have breast cancer. I'm sure we all agree on this.
But truth be told, there are some perks to having cancer. Who knew! :-)