A not so Nice and Clean Shave

As if things weren’t bad enough already, today I decided to shave my head!

I had an appointment to get my new wig and have a last fitting. I knew that they were going to ask me if I wanted to do it or not, they had told me so last time, so at least I was prepared. However, up until the very last minute I wasn’t sure. But then when she took my scarf off and I saw the ugly bald spots and my thinning hair here and there, I decided to bite the bullet and go ahead and do it.

I’m not even sure if this is something I would like to share, but I promised to write the truth, so here it goes. This is the first time that I really wished not even Brian was in the room! It was just a bad experience. There are no other words to describe it. I felt so violated!

The girl that took care of me was very sweet and discreet; she even asked me if I wanted her to turn my chair around so that I wouldn’t be able to see her while shaving my head.
I said yes, but then I felt kind of stupid, because I knew that eventually I would have to face it. I kept asking Brian not to look at me and he was kind enough to try to look down at his Blackberry.

When the girl stepped out for a minute to bring my wig, I turned my chair and looked in the mirror. My heart just dropped. It felt as if I were looking at a picture of a prisoner at a Nazi concentration camp. Cancer stinks (Nazis too)! Brian tried to console me by telling me that even like this I still looked beautiful and he came over to hold me and kiss me. Isn’t he a sweetheart? Although I did appreciate the try, I could still see the result myself. It was horrible! There was a little fuzz left, but it looked absolutely ridiculous!

The girl soon returned with my wig and I put it on my head. I felt a little bit better. Less exposed, less vulnerable. It’s a whole new look for me and I must say that I prefer it that way. I know that some people like their wigs to match their old hair, but I wanted something completely different. I wanted to have a look so that if I saw someone I know in the street, they would think I just had a new cool haircut. I was afraid that just having a fake version of my own hair would be too obvious, but that’s just me.

I came home and wanted to go straight to my room. I just needed to take that wig off and scratch my itching scalp like crazy, but I was intercepted by the children. When the boys saw me wearing the wig they had mixed feelings about it. I looked too different they said, but they liked the style. Better than what’s underneath it, I thought. Natalie of course, loved it! That's my girl! I’ll try my best so that they never see me without hair. I'm thinking it would be too traumatic for them, as it was for me. I’m so happy that I ordered all those hats and scarves before hand! I even have a baseball cap with hair! Sweet!

Did I mention that it hurts when you lose your hair? Nobody prepared me for this, but it hurts like heck! Not the scalp, but the hair follicles, as the hair move. I think the shorter hair will help, until they’re gone too of course. The girl said it takes a couple of weeks for the pain to subside. When she washed my head, it hurt so bad, I had to try really hard not to scream. Ouch!

I wonder how it’s going to be tonight. They say that the scalp gets really cold, but fortunately I have a night cap! How sad is that? I'm hoping I'll get some rest, because I feel exhausted.

Last night I slept half of the night in a sleeping bag on the floor, by the fireplace. Natalie’s idea of a fun night! She loves to lay down by the fire! I woke up at about 3:00 am and went to my bed, and then I went back downstairs at around 7:30 am, before she realized I wasn't there the whole night. I knew that if she woke up and I wasn’t there, I’d be in big trouble for ruining it all for her!

Tonight I feel like reading before checking out, which is a good sign for me. Hopefully I’ll be able to relax and have a good night’s rest.

Cheers!