The List

OK, I admit it! Despite trying my best to be optimistic, yesterday was rough. I lost almost all my hair, so I couldn’t help feeling very depressed the entire day. Brian tried to cheer me up; it didn’t really work.

So I decided I had to have a nice pity party for myself and get it out of my system. I locked the door to my room, put my earphones in to listen to (sad) music, scanned the Internet for more (depressing) information about triple negative breast cancer and of course felt pretty miserable all day. I spent most of the day doing nothing other than literally pulling my hair out. I had a box right by me and every time a new fistful of hair came out, I deposited it in my “hair box”. Now it sits by my chair, labeled and everything, full of nice curly hair, that I’m sure a lot of bald people (including myself) would die to have on their heads.

In the end I got tired of feeling lousy, so I thought I should do something I enjoy. I tried making some more bracelets but after just staring at the beads for about half an hour without moving a finger, I decided I had to move on to trying something else. I didn’t feel like reading anything on my Kindle, so I decided to just lie on my bed. Maybe I could at least get some rest.

It was about 11:00pm when I decided to get up, and try my luck on my comfy recliner. I thought it'd be worth giving a try to that tape that “guides you to self healing” that they gave me at the wig shop, hoping it would at least relax me.

So here I was, almost falling asleep on my chair, listening to the instructions of a lady with a deep voice telling me to imagine “kind beings of light touching me with their healing hands” (for real), when Ozzie, our dog, jumped on me and started licking me.

I woke up and went to the bathroom to wash my hands and face. I looked at my self in the mirror. “Well, the hair didn’t grow back”, I thought, “So much for the alien healing hands!” I could still see the patches of lost hair here and there.

Strangely enough that one last look was enough to bring me back. My face looked clearer than I had seen it in a while. “Of course,” I remembered, “the oil glands are shutting down too. No T-Zone! Hey, not bad!”

I sort of giggled out loud and then the idea hit me. “I’ll make a list of all the things that might be good about having cancer!”

So here’s what I’ve come up with so far. I’m sure I’ll be updating it regularly.


1. No shaving legs, armpits, bikini lines etc! Now, that’s what I’m talking about!

2. No plucking eyebrows! Ouch!

3. No oil glands, means clear skin (it also means dry skin, but that’s why they have invented moisturizers, right?)

4. Perfect, salon like, hairstyle every single day with minimum amount of work! I love my wig!

5. Cool scarves and hats to match your clothes!

6. Tons of free stuff, like books, tapes, make-up kits, totes. I’m sure I’ll have more to add to this list after my Looking Good…Feeling Better seminar on Wednesday.

7. Nurses and doctors tend to be super nice to you because they feel really sorry for you! I know that one is pathetic, but it’s true! I literally had nurses begging me to let them bring me snacks and drinks, last time I was in the hospital.

8. Strangers are nice to you when they see you wearing your recognizable “cancer look” (scarves, wig etc.). I went out with Brian yesterday and this lady came out of nowhere and gave Brian 2 really neat pink bracelets with a ribbon charm for me. How cool is that?

9. You get to play the “I don’t feel so good” card whenever something is really boring or tiring and you want to get yourself out of doing it. Sneaky!

10. Your husband (provided you’re blessed with a good one) is willing to go out of his way to get you anything you crave for or do anything that will bring you comfort, even if it’s in the middle of the night. Thanks baby!

So this is my top 10 list so far. I’m sure I’ll be adding more to it soon.

Have a nice day! :-)