Today I slept in a little bit. I think I needed to catch up on my sleep after all those sleepless nights. When I woke up Sally had already gone to run some errands.
I made some breakfast for the kids and then sent them to clean up their bedrooms.
I picked up my bedroom too and then remembered that Brian will be here tomorrow.
I’ve missed him a lot, but I can’t help feeling strange. I wish he could come home to a pretty and healthy wife and not a sick, bald wreck. I wish I could do more than just feel ill and run to doctors. I wish…
It’s hard to imagine how I will be after all this is behind me. I’ve lived with this long enough to not even remember how it feels to be well. One of the times I was explaining to my doctor that I feel run down, sad and tired in the evenings and I added that I thought it was normal since it’s the end of the day, he cut me off and said “No, it’s not normal. You have allowed yourself to live this way for so long that you have forgotten how it feels to be normal.” So I wonder what tomorrow will bring.
The past few days I have started to realize that I’m really close to being done with chemo and I have to start preparing for the next step. Surgery. I have so many things worrying me. I am totally unprepared for this. It’s overwhelming to think that my body will be changed for ever. Will it hurt? Will I have nasty scars? Will it be obvious? And after all this is done, will I have to go through it all over again only in a different spot?
I’ve told Brian that if it metastasizes I don’t think I want to keep chasing my cancer around. At some point one has to make the right decision and think about quality of life first. I don’t want to feel sick the entire time. Not to mention the burden of the medical bills! Yesterday Brian told me that the Neulasta shot cost $5,000 and the Taxtotere IV another $5,000!! Of course the insurance covers most of it and we end up paying only a small fraction of it, but those little fractions plus all the medication is starting to add up. Things are starting to get tight. I wonder what happens to people without health insurance. How do they make it?
Well, I better run. Natalie has been serving “tea” to me the entire time and I have to check where she’s got all that water and where is the mess that I’ll have to clean up.
:-)
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Mesothelioma Cancer Awareness
A message from our friends at http://www.asbestos.com/
Mesothelioma is a rare and aggressive cancer. One of the primary mesothelioma causes is asbestos exposure. The cancer develops in the mesothelium, a protective membrane that lines three body cavities: the thoracic cavity (pleura), abdominal cavity (peritoneum) and the heart sac (pericardium).
A mesothelioma patient’s prognosis, or the probable course and outcome of a disease’s influence on the body, is influenced by numerous factors. Since a mesothelioma diagnosis often occurs once the cancer has progressed to later stages of development, prognosis is typically poor. However if a patient is diagnosed before the cancer has spread or elects to undergo treatment to combat the cancer, their prognosis may improve.
Asbestos is a naturally occurring toxic mineral that was commonly used throughout the 20th century in thousands of products and many industries. Asbestos is naturally resistant to heat and fire, making it ideal for use in insulation. The mineral was often used in insulation and the fine, flexible fibers were frequently mixed with cement and woven into fabrics. Exposure to asbestos can result in the development of serious illnesses such as malignant mesothelioma, lung cancer and asbestosis.
Like many people before me, I decided to share my thoughts and feelings as written in my personal journal, and also in e-mails I've sent to my family and friends, while struggling with breast cancer. So, if it sounds familiar, please don't fret! I promise that you got the original first, and then it was posted here just so that I don't have to re-write things. Lazy, I know! ;-)
Mesothelioma Cancer Awareness
A message from our friends at http://www.asbestos.com/
Mesothelioma is a rare and aggressive cancer. One of the primary mesothelioma causes is asbestos exposure. The cancer develops in the mesothelium, a protective membrane that lines three body cavities: the thoracic cavity (pleura), abdominal cavity (peritoneum) and the heart sac (pericardium).
A mesothelioma patient’s prognosis, or the probable course and outcome of a disease’s influence on the body, is influenced by numerous factors. Since a mesothelioma diagnosis often occurs once the cancer has progressed to later stages of development, prognosis is typically poor. However if a patient is diagnosed before the cancer has spread or elects to undergo treatment to combat the cancer, their prognosis may improve.
Asbestos is a naturally occurring toxic mineral that was commonly used throughout the 20th century in thousands of products and many industries. Asbestos is naturally resistant to heat and fire, making it ideal for use in insulation. The mineral was often used in insulation and the fine, flexible fibers were frequently mixed with cement and woven into fabrics. Exposure to asbestos can result in the development of serious illnesses such as malignant mesothelioma, lung cancer and asbestosis.
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